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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. In order to make a good impression I was as polite as possible and tried to be as engaging as I could. Near the end of dinner my girlfriend's mom says, "I liked your old boyfriend better." FML

#785377
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51421) - you deserved it (2537)

On 04/03/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by str3tch - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

#784043
449 comments

I agree, your life sucks (384754) - you deserved it (61664)

On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mom and sister both told me that they don't like when I come visit with my boyfriend. They love my boyfriend and think he's great, it's me they have a problem with. FML

#783282
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56255) - you deserved it (4100)

On 04/03/2009 at 2:40pm - misc - by littleone37 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I left the iron and ironing board in my room. While I was at school, my mom decided to do some ironing, and did it in my room for convenience. The iron needed water, so she took a water bottle from my dresser and poured it in. It was my secret vodka stash, and the iron caught on fire. FML

#782957
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20066) - you deserved it (68360)

On 04/03/2009 at 2:13pm - misc - by healey16 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML

#780789
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53313) - you deserved it (5039)

On 04/03/2009 at 10:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I'm already a clumsy person but became extra clumsy because I was nervous. After knocking over my drink for the fourth time, my boyfriend's mom angrily shouted "Did you actually come drunk for the first time meeting us?" FML

#778324
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61045) - you deserved it (8085)

On 04/03/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by herANDi - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML

#777672
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (158897) - you deserved it (27645)

On 04/03/2009 at 1:16am - misc - by lalanon (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

#774931
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (148254) - you deserved it (22645)

On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

#773670
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53491) - you deserved it (3954)

On 04/02/2009 at 8:46pm - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML

#773516
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51515) - you deserved it (9418)

On 04/02/2009 at 8:37pm - misc - by dramateach11 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

#771918
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54525) - you deserved it (4455)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by happyeffingbday202 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

#771501
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (127552) - you deserved it (11022)

On 04/02/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

#768625
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17040) - you deserved it (52698)

On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by nokeys (woman) - United States (New York)



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