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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML

#6201657
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31505) - you deserved it (3526)

On 11/07/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by AuntSucka (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML

#6195343
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51543) - you deserved it (4695)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:01pm - misc - by ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML

#6192797
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40437) - you deserved it (16579)

On 11/07/2009 at 5:22am - misc - by badwife (woman) - Japan

Today, my mom came up to the school to give me some money and a few water bottles for my friends and me for soccer practice. Before she left, I said "bye", then I realized my 2-year-old brother waving bye to me. So I bent down through the window to kiss him. As I did, my mom moved the car. It still hurts. FML

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

#6192023
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30403) - you deserved it (10252)

On 11/07/2009 at 3:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

#6191720
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12452) - you deserved it (32103)

On 11/07/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by munnyfish (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML

#6191568
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35717) - you deserved it (6479)

On 11/07/2009 at 1:55am - misc - by iheartvodka (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I celebrated my 18th birthday. Alone. My only birthday wish came from the police officer who gave me a ticket. FML

#6190643
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32787) - you deserved it (3632)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by bdayloser (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML

#6186259
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33098) - you deserved it (5836)

On 11/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I'm a 19 year old college student in NYC, it's Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my bed in my dorm room, talking to my mother on facebook chat. Then she stopped responding. Turns out even my mother has better things to do on Friday night. FML

#6186219
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29341) - you deserved it (6241)

On 11/06/2009 at 7:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML

#6185780
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7989) - you deserved it (43506)

On 11/06/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML

#6184737
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33788) - you deserved it (2462)

On 11/06/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by imsad (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I did a really good job playing someone who was really airheaded in my school's play. I wasn't trying to act like an airhead, the director told me that I got cast for the part because the character I was playing was "just like me". FML

#6182912
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25121) - you deserved it (6424)

On 11/06/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by Airhead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)



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