Today, I went to see Terminator. Not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money at the concession stand, I sneaked a Dr. Pepper into the theater. I thought I had gotten away with it, until I opened the bottle and it exploded all over me and four other people that I didn't know. FML

by embarrassed / 05/26/2009 at 12:51am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

by silvercity09 / 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

by wordmalfunction / 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML

by drurbanXVII / 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party, and I sat down on a chair. While conversing with friends, I shifted places on the chair, and broke it. Embarrassed, I then stood up and change chairs. After moving to the next chair, I broke that one too. FML

by alsayslegit / 05/25/2009 at 1:44pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was laying down on my couch. My friend IM's me on my laptop to watch a video. It turned out that the video was one of those scary pop up's. I got so scared I dropped my laptop. The screen had a big crack. FML

by OrlandoZ6 / 05/25/2009 at 12:48pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2009 at 10:55am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts and brought markers to draw on them. I didn't know many people there but I still went around drawing on people's shirts. After a few hours, someone finally drew on my shirt. They wrote "I'm scary." FML

by MandyPanda / 05/25/2009 at 10:24am / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

by AquaRevolver / 05/25/2009 at 6:35am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver decided to spit into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML

by hahahah111 / 05/25/2009 at 3:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother came up to me at swim meet and shouted to me in the bleachers "If you have to go potty, go now because there is a long line!". I'm seventeen. FML

by embarassed / 05/25/2009 at 12:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friends house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML

by ninjawhat1337 / 05/25/2009 at 12:14am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

by kiki / 05/24/2009 at 9:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous