Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

#4677872
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44513) - you deserved it (2852)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:45am - misc - by tommy3824 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

#4677769
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41482) - you deserved it (5064)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by GroosedOut (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200m from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door I peed my pants. FML

#4677149
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19684) - you deserved it (40835)

On 08/20/2009 at 7:02am - misc - by anon9876542 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

#4676323
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19798) - you deserved it (43765)

On 08/20/2009 at 4:54am - misc - by guitar_chick7 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

#4674126
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18794) - you deserved it (45797)

On 08/20/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

#4672894
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9855) - you deserved it (61851)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML

#4661982
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63455) - you deserved it (4404)

On 08/19/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

#4659447
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46238) - you deserved it (3940)

On 08/19/2009 at 4:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend was leaving for work. From the other room I heard him call out, "see you soon beautiful." Touched, I went to give him a parting kiss. He stopped me and said, "I was talking to the cat." FML

#4656654
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40281) - you deserved it (4247)

On 08/19/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by burned_away - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I thought I saw a snake while I was watering. I got my son to check it out and he agreed too. I was nervous so I called animal control, and they said it would cost $50 just for them to come out, I agreed. It ends up I paid $50 for them to pick up an old diamond weave farmer's hat. FML

#4655713
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7762) - you deserved it (38380)

On 08/19/2009 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML

#4652929
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9716) - you deserved it (56179)

On 08/19/2009 at 10:36am - misc - by stagedivefail (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML

#4651060
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47638) - you deserved it (4684)

On 08/19/2009 at 6:32am - misc - by Dude (man) - United States (California)

Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML

#4646350
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11761) - you deserved it (50822)

On 08/19/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Life of the party - Sent from mobile version



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