Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

by nothing / 05/18/2009 at 1:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. As part of my presents, my parents gave me prepaid debit card. When I got home, I looked at it again and realized it's the debit card you get from selling back books to our university bookstore. I bought my own books this year. They gave me my own refund. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2009 at 12:48am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

by oops / 05/18/2009 at 12:17am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on my afternoon stroll to my local park. As I reached the park a little boy was peeing in the bushes nearby. His mother called. As I walked by, he turned, still peeing, right to me. He ended up peeing on the front of my pants and on my shoes. My house is 2 miles away from the park. FML

by gameguy3424 / 05/17/2009 at 11:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

by Richocet / 05/17/2009 at 8:35pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

by karmasabitch / 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 3:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

by _dopey_ / 05/17/2009 at 1:34pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

by Kerrilyn / 05/17/2009 at 10:39am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 9:48am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 9:24am / Ireland (Wexford) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 9:21am / United States / Miscellaneous