Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

by ydahs / 05/08/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got the cell phone bill for my family and saw that my son had gone over his limit by around 1,000 messages. Curious to see what he was talking about that much, I read the messages. Apparently, my 15 year old son is having it off more than me and my wife. FML

by gangstalicious / 05/08/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that no matter how much you assume that the crunchy bits in a bag of crisps are in fact crisps, you will occasionally find that your assumptions are wrong. Beetles just don't have the same appeal. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2009 at 4:02pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother called me a bad son for not telling her "Happy Mother's Day". When I told her Mother's Day wasn't until the 10th, she said that I would have forgotten anyway. FML

by Aisu / 05/08/2009 at 2:14pm / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got to sleep in late for the first time in 3 years, as wife took our two young daughters out of town to visit with her parents. I told my mother that I was really looking forward to being able to sleep in this morning. The phone rang at 7:30. It was my mother asking me how I slept. FML

by Wally / 05/08/2009 at 11:20am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, in my class I was nominated for the guy with the worst hairdo. I don't know what is worse, the fact that I was nominated or the fact that I felt let down when I did not win. FML

by GK / 05/08/2009 at 7:20am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, on my last break, a lady comes up to me and asks if she could have a hug because I reminded her of her daughter that died in a car accident 3 years before. Touched, I called my mom to let her know that I loved her. Before I could tell her, she said it was probably a scam and hung up on me. FML

by bumgirl / 05/08/2009 at 3:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how my butt looked in my jeans, checked up my nose and fixed my bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. FML

by cammy123 / 05/08/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

by Bucks9 / 05/07/2009 at 7:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2009 at 8:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my teachers asked me to babysit their kids saturday night. She didn't forget that it was Prom night, she was going to chaperone it. My teacher assumed I wasn't invited to Prom... I wasn't. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2009 at 6:44am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

by twoheadedboy / 05/06/2009 at 4:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous