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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was hanging out with this guy I've been trying to get for four months. I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. I walked out, glad that I was quiet about it. Ten minutes later, my mom walks out of the same bathroom and goes "Honey, you need to spray after you make a stinky" FML

#1213671
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52571) - you deserved it (4874)

On 04/22/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by stanky (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

#1200531
465 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59160) - you deserved it (21998)

On 04/21/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband and I were looking for a new house. The open house we were in had a strange floral scent to entice the buyers. I am three months pregnant and have horrible morning sickness. I threw up all over the living room. FML

#1189680
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41065) - you deserved it (3285)

On 04/21/2009 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar case open for tips. A man came up with a folded piece of green paper, smiled and walked away. After I was finished, I looked at my tips. I unfolded the paper, it was a note that said "You suck!" FML

#1188952
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37951) - you deserved it (9866)

On 04/21/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by Jesus (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

#1187689
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51646) - you deserved it (17084)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:52am - misc - by Kaboom (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

#1187593
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47003) - you deserved it (6946)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by porkieworkie (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I used an airplane bathroom. I used a paper seat cover because I didn't want my butt to touch the seat. The seat cover clogged the toilet. I stuck my hand in and fished the seat cover out. I essentially stuck my hand into an airplane toilet because I didn't want my ass to touch the seat. FML

#1186504
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12121) - you deserved it (64355)

On 04/21/2009 at 5:30am - misc - by Jen (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I was walking in the park when I heard some boys shouting behind me. As I turned around they poured a bucket of red liquid over my head. They thought I was someone they knew. I wasn't. And i was wearing a $200 white dress. Red dye doesn't come out of white dresses. FML

#1186256
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68792) - you deserved it (3711)

On 04/21/2009 at 4:32am - misc - by anon - United Kingdom (Barking and Dagenham)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34184) - you deserved it (90460)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML

#1183263
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12313) - you deserved it (63486)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I told my girlfriend I was quitting the town baseball team. She said "Great. Now we can get someone with actual talent on the team." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She then replied "What's so funny?" FML

#1183165
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38882) - you deserved it (4602)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by xxbobsan - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML

#1182028
639 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48026) - you deserved it (28186)

On 04/21/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)



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