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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

#6482495
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10605) - you deserved it (47154)

On 11/27/2009 at 6:36pm - misc - by Thanks (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

#6477296
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31217) - you deserved it (5869)

On 11/27/2009 at 11:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

#6476260
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8516) - you deserved it (58405)

On 11/27/2009 at 9:26am - misc - by forgotmyownbirthday (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

#6475314
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14101) - you deserved it (27720)

On 11/27/2009 at 5:11am - misc - by Nick (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

#6474264
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25836) - you deserved it (3896)

On 11/27/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by fml...really (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

#6472262
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8637) - you deserved it (86536)

On 11/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by obsessed (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

#6472214
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32526) - you deserved it (8394)

On 11/27/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by fartlover (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I spent the entire day at the hospital and was sent home attached to an obnoxious and somewhat painful heart monitor. I felt fine and decided to go to a bonfire with a few friends. I thought everyone was being nice until I overheard the guys referring to me as an unattractive xbox. FML

#6468992
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29467) - you deserved it (3130)

On 11/26/2009 at 9:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

#6467365
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24281) - you deserved it (6937)

On 11/26/2009 at 7:26pm - misc - by anniecook (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

#6465466
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21445) - you deserved it (28423)

On 11/26/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by garlicbread (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I left my new iphone in a taxi I was sharing with a friend. Apparently when I got out she looked at it, told the driver some one had left it and gave it to him. FML

#6464441
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31090) - you deserved it (5258)

On 11/26/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by hockey (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

#6464238
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29806) - you deserved it (3448)

On 11/26/2009 at 3:30pm - misc - by has-evil-friends (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

#6463128
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31539) - you deserved it (20267)

On 11/26/2009 at 2:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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