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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, was my 16th birthday and I was supposed to be surprised with a new car. I have overheard my parents talking about bringing it home tonight while I was at a friend's house. We snuck back to my house to see them bring my car home. All I saw was my Dad crash my new car into a street lamp. FML

#1334002
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49082) - you deserved it (12041)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by crashednowcrushed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a going-away party because I am leaving the country forever. Out of the 130 people invited, 60 were a resounding "Yes! of course I will go!". After paying $300 for everything needed at the party, 2 ended up coming. And left because nobody else was there. FML

#1332259
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75295) - you deserved it (4433)

On 04/25/2009 at 7:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Brazil (Parana)

Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, me and my boyfriend shared a quick kiss. A young teacher walks by and tells us to stop due to Personal Display of Affection rules at our school. She then looks at my boyfriend and tells him he could do so much better. FML

#1328143
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58266) - you deserved it (5343)

On 04/25/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML

#1323775
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45951) - you deserved it (7898)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I received my new cell phone and activated my account. As part of the package, I get to choose five numbers that I can call without using any minutes. I could still only think of three numbers I call regularly: my parent's house, my mom's cell and my ex's cell. FML

#1318929
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41616) - you deserved it (11796)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML

#1316192
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9693) - you deserved it (71895)

On 04/25/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML

#1315252
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44545) - you deserved it (8634)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:18am - misc - by plasticfantastic - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and busted my head on the floor. FML

#1314307
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40766) - you deserved it (4494)

On 04/25/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by Clumsy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

#1312946
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8917) - you deserved it (52909)

On 04/25/2009 at 2:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at a swim meet. I was on a relay team and I was the anchor. My team was in 1st. I was ready to dive in when I saw my tampon string was hanging out of my suit. I freaked, slid off the block, and fell on top of the guy before me and gave him a concussion. We got DQed for a false start FML

#1311543
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39601) - you deserved it (14102)

On 04/25/2009 at 1:44am - misc - by suckatlifeeexo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

#1310599
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38918) - you deserved it (3239)

On 04/25/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by GreenMonstR (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

#1306375
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47148) - you deserved it (2608)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Lo_Bolian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML

#1303608
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21848) - you deserved it (52304)

On 04/24/2009 at 9:55pm - misc - by fml (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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