Today, my mother came up to me a swim meet and shouted to me in the bleachers "If you have to go potty, go now because there is a long line!". I'm seventeen. FML

by embarassed / 05/25/2009 at 12:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friends house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML

by ninjawhat1337 / 05/25/2009 at 12:14am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

by kiki / 05/24/2009 at 9:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML

by Tyler_Padgett / 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I collided heads at a soccer game and needed 13 stitches in my head. I texted all my contacts to let them know I was in the hospital. I got back one response that said "bitch got what you deserve" it was from my cousin. No one else ever texted me back. FML

by anonymouss / 05/24/2009 at 6:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML

by beep_guacamole / 05/24/2009 at 5:49pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

by helloitsbrian6969 / 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to use my mentor's advice. I told her I had been having some trouble controlling my anger, she told me to throw rocks at trees. I threw a rock at a tree, very hard. It bounced back hit me above the eye. I'm still pissed as shit. FML

by untitledentity / 05/24/2009 at 12:03pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove 150 miles to see one of my favorite singers in concert. Before I got out of the car I checked to make sure I had the tickets. Did I have the tickets? Yes. Were they for today's concert? Nope. FML

by duhitskelly94 / 05/24/2009 at 10:48am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

by burned / 05/24/2009 at 9:44am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

by AyoitsSteveo / 05/24/2009 at 5:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got back from a service trip to Kenya, where I had no running water or electricity. I encouraged my friends to go green and help raise awareness by conserving as much electricity as possible. I return home to find that all my lights have been on for 2 weeks. FML

by APRRECIATION / 05/24/2009 at 2:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

by Imretarded / 05/24/2009 at 1:18am / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous