Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML

by AidenFromSweden / 07/06/2009 at 2:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home and found out that my new roommate, who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week, had smashed my $300 bong because "weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly." FML

by expen_dable / 07/06/2009 at 1:55am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2009 at 7:20pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found one of those online color blindness tests where you have to distinguish a colored number from the pattern. Not being able to, I spent hundreds of dollars on medical tests to discover that the pattern online was a joke. FML

by colorblind / 07/05/2009 at 5:49pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML

by shit... / 07/05/2009 at 2:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML

by wetboy / 07/05/2009 at 6:07am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2009 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

by Disgusted / 07/05/2009 at 2:30am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went swimming with this guy I like at dammed river. While we were jumping off the dam, I decided to try to impress him by doing a front flip. I didn't jump far enough off, so when I went to flip, my face skidded down the concrete wall. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2009 at 6:46pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

by Singed / 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML

by hot_mess88 / 07/04/2009 at 11:24am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML

by Foster_Em / 07/04/2009 at 12:38am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and decided to get the morning paper, I went outside with my bath robe on and when I leaned down to get my paper my bath robe came undone. Apparently everyone on my street saw it and decided to bring up public nudity at the next neighborhood meeting. FML

by Embarresedguy / 07/03/2009 at 4:13pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous