Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2009 at 2:37am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

by kewlio45 / 07/01/2009 at 2:33am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML

by lawoman27 / 07/01/2009 at 12:08am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was supposed to work with this girl I really like but I had the flu really bad. I really really wanted to see her so I forced myself out of bed and went to work feeling terrible but determined to see her face. When I got to work I asked where she was. She had called in sick with the flu. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 11:25pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom, sister, and I were talking about a friend's girlfriend. My sister's opinion of her was that she was cute but not hot. My mom agreed, saying that she didn't think that someone without boobs could EVER be hot. She then looked at me and said "no offense." FML

by Atomic_Tangerine / 06/29/2009 at 7:07pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

by peace_lost / 06/29/2009 at 6:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML

by thatCanadianGuy7 / 06/29/2009 at 3:55pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2009 at 3:52pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2009 at 1:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

by wowzersthatsucks / 06/29/2009 at 1:31pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

by merkris / 06/29/2009 at 11:41am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

by shroomda / 06/29/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous