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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

#21515564
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9775) - you deserved it (19192)

On 01/15/2016 at 12:07pm - misc - by motherfucked (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

#21515547
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21500) - you deserved it (1316)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:08am - misc - by ugh - United States

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

#21515273
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23461) - you deserved it (1633)

On 01/14/2016 at 5:21pm - misc - by notmyfault - United States (Indiana)

Today, I opened the cupboard and a bag of flour fell on my head, covering me from head to toe. Last night I got drunk, and set some booby traps up around the house for my roommate. I'd forgot that my roommate moved out a week ago. FML

Today, I almost died. My friends dragged me unconcious, hypothermic and half-drowned out of the sea. A helicopter took me to the hospital where they brought me back to life. My family's reaction? "You aren't dying so we don't have to come to the hospital." They wouldn't even bring me clothes. FML

Today, I called my mom to make sure she could attend on the wedding day my fiance and I had discussed. She started off with criticizing the venue we considered, then went on to criticize my fiancé, and then stated she would under no circumstances help out, but demanded to pick my wedding dress. FML

#21514623
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21338) - you deserved it (1354)

On 01/13/2016 at 3:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark

Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML

#21514609
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16877) - you deserved it (3536)

On 01/13/2016 at 2:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, sewage came up the toilet and tub in my apartment and spread far enough to get into the hallway. The maintenance crew found the source of the blocked pipes to be a ten inch long weave some idiot flushed down a toilet. FML

#21514581
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19761) - you deserved it (1064)

On 01/13/2016 at 12:54am - misc - by NeedsANewApartment (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating at a diner one of my friends from work recommended to me. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich, which was pretty good despite the used bandaid in it. FML

#21514494
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19725) - you deserved it (1207)

On 01/12/2016 at 9:41pm - misc - by anon - United States

Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML

#21514487
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19548) - you deserved it (1496)

On 01/12/2016 at 9:10pm - misc - by Mellamononeyobiz (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while I was walking across a bridge, a prepubescent middle schooler grabbed my phone from my hand and threw it into the water. His friend filmed it, high-fived him, and they both ran off. I got that phone less than a week ago. FML

#21514472
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22763) - you deserved it (1513)

On 01/12/2016 at 8:18pm - misc - by ripmyphone - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

#21514315
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19972) - you deserved it (6240)

On 01/12/2016 at 1:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I'm mad at my dad for forgetting it's my birthday. He's mad at me for not reminding him. FML

#21514262
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19247) - you deserved it (1748)

On 01/12/2016 at 9:44am - misc - by Anonymous -



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