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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was driving in te left lane an was suddenly it by a woman wo was in te rigt lane. I ran off te road, taking out a fence an totaling ma car. Wen te cops asked te woman wat appened se responded, "My tom-tom told me to turn left." FML

#5167647
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49105) - you deserved it (2213)

On 09/10/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I left on mah honeymoon with mah wife who is terrified of flying. The pilot announce incoming storm in the flight path, and the man next to me start saying it's "probably fate" and "we all have to go sometime" and mah wife goes into a full panic attack. We haven't even left the ground yet. FML

#5167326
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37607) - you deserved it (2686)

On 09/10/2009 at 11:58am - misc - by siggit - United States (Massachusetts)

YESTERDAY I WAS ON A 12 HOUR TRANS-ATLANTIC FLIGHT OVERSEAS. I ASKD THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WHERE THIS RANCID SMELL WAS COMING FROM. THE GUY SITTING NEXT TO ME STARTD LAUGHING, SAYING, "SORRY, SOMETHING I ATE IS NOT AGREEING WITH ME." THIS WAS HOUR 1 OF THE FLIGHT. FML

#5165641
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35227) - you deserved it (1882)

On 09/10/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by whatsmccraken (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-wan)

Today, I woke up at ma crazy ex-girlfriend's ouse, nakd and disorientd. You know, te kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-figt-now-we-can-get-marrid crazy. Se says everyting's fine now and se's so glad we've "startd our family." fat FML

#5165059
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45995) - you deserved it (15166)

On 09/10/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by drugged_on_arrival (man) - Virgin Islands British

Today my co-worker came back from Thailand with big new breasts. She told me to go ahead and touch them because they have a funny texture for the first few months. When our GM enterd the room I had both hands down my co-worker's shirt agreeing that they were unnaturally firm. real FML

#5163835
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13829) - you deserved it (36252)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Taday sister surprised me by cleaning room and doing laundry. She found journal, condom and vibrator and decided to share her finding with family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half wardrobe. FML

#5163581
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36198) - you deserved it (4455)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by tawnaciousd - United States (Colorado)

TODAY, AFTER FAILING MY LS TWICE IN THE PREVIOUS WEEKS, I FINALLY PASSED. AS I GOT HOME, I WENT FIR A DRIVE WITH MY DAD. I SMASHED MY MUMS CAR INTO AN OLD LADYS FENCE AND ENDED UP IN HER BACKYARD. FML

#5163445
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6790) - you deserved it (33001)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got out of bd and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

#5162946
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37265) - you deserved it (7394)

On 09/10/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by Embarassed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

yesterday while driving on the tollway car overheated and died a few yards from the toll booth. I then had to wait, crying, in smoking car 4 a patrol guy while cars moved around me. He had to push me through the toll and the lady in the booth said she felt sorry 4 me but still took $3. FML

#5157778
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31346) - you deserved it (4698)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, mah mom found a new favorite game!! I recently broke up with mah boyfriend of a year and still have not been able to fine a job (months after graduating college)!! Due to this stress I cry easily, her game? Seeing how many times a day she can make me boo-hoo!! FML

#5153713
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31906) - you deserved it (8030)

On 09/09/2009 at 6:53pm - misc - by sadchick (woman) - United States (Alabama)

TODAY, I FELL ASLEEP IN MAH LAST PERIOD CLASS. WHEN I WOKE UP MAH TEACHER SAID "YOU MISSD YUR BUS". I GRABBD ALL MAH STUFF AND RAN OUT THE ROOM. MY CLASS MATES WERE STANDING OUTSIDE THE CLASS LAUGHING. WE STILL HAD AN HOUR LEFT IN CLASS. REAL FML

#5145727
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9692) - you deserved it (54830)

On 09/09/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by Victor (man) - United States

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." mega FML

#5144800
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14185) - you deserved it (50166)

On 09/09/2009 at 5:58am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay fir ma Englis class!! I tried to be calm since I ad until midnigt to finis, and it was only 8pm!! I typed fir tree ours straigt,and finised te assignment!! I read over te instruction again, and realized it only ad to be 500 words!! FML

#5141524
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19072) - you deserved it (51536)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Dakota)



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