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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I want to a rastaurant with soma friands. I noticad a vary cuta waitrass about my aga, so I walkad ovar to har an askad if sha had a boyfriand. Tha axtramaly fit, attractiva waitar standing naxt to har immadiataly turnad, hald out his hand an goas, "Yaah. Maat ma." FML

#5220953
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30203) - you deserved it (12226)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by footinmouth (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to a salon. As soon as I walked in, someone ran to me and inspected mah hair and said, "We can fix this." I was there to get mah daughter's hair done. FML

#5218043
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32121) - you deserved it (5771)

On 09/12/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by badhair (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was on the phone with boyfriend while looking at halloween costume online for this years halloween party and said, ( Maybe we could go as Bonnie and Clyde this year. ) He said, ( Maybe we should go as a broken up couple, ) and hung up on me. He wasn't kidding. FML

#5217172
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35678) - you deserved it (3423)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

TODAY, I IGNORED MY CAT'S INCESSANT MEOWING, AN PUSED IM AWAY EVERY TIME E WANTED TO BE PETTED. TE NEXT TIME I WALKED DOWNSTAIRS I FOUND IM DEAD. FML

#5210731
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26162) - you deserved it (88548)

On 09/12/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Taday I was messagd by a great guy I went to college with, and he was telling me how stupid he had been for not asking me out in college and about how much he had likd me. After talking for 30 minutes about trying to get together soon, he looool told me that he had mistaken me for someone else. FML

#5209609
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41272) - you deserved it (2507)

On 09/12/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by Ljsmitty - United States (South Carolina)

Today, ma friend's 11 year old son accidentally socked imself wit our electric fly swatter. Tirty seconds later, wile trying to prove to im tat it's pysically impossible to sock yourself wit it, and tat it's perfectly safe, I did te exact same ting. FML

#5209452
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6010) - you deserved it (48596)

On 09/12/2009 at 4:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie an I was determined to score on her. When I finally got mah chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post an it bounced back an hit me in the face. FML

#5208232
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39408) - you deserved it (8254)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, at Six flags, friend and I were going to ride ( Superman ). People loose their phone on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to putted mine in her bag. When it ended, I lerened she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't looool find him. Employee wear yellow. FML

#5205982
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38449) - you deserved it (6362)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, was my frst day at Military School. When our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up an stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood. To which the looool commander wasted no time in adressing in front of the rest of the room. FML

#5203639
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40256) - you deserved it (4968)

On 09/12/2009 at 9:14am - misc - by Lukev7 - Australia (Victoria)

TODAY... I FOUND OUT THAT DESPITE HAVING ATTENDED EVERY UNIVERSITY PARTY HELD OVER THE LAST TWO YEARS... THE ONLY PHYSICAL CONTACT I HAVE HAD WITH A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IS WHEN THE SECURITY GUARD STAMPS MY HAND. FML

#5203219
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31365) - you deserved it (7790)

On 09/12/2009 at 7:53am - misc - by Lonely (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today , I took tis grl out tat I've been crusing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during te date , I ad to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to te table , a little boy stood up an soutd , "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of te wole restaurant. FML

#5198874
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40037) - you deserved it (4790)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by taman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I parked in front of a grocery store and took the portable GPS system off the mount on the dashboard and putted it in my pocket so no one would break into my car and steal it . When I got back, the window was smashed and someone had stolen the plastic mount . FML

#5194159
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37845) - you deserved it (3117)

On 09/11/2009 at 8:40pm - misc - by sucksforme (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I tried to help a large, elderly nun who had slipped!! She was stuck and wedged in on a concrete ramp!! So I stood facing her, feet braced against hers, and pulled!! Not only did I drop her, but I got a wicked view of her panties and crotch!! I'm sure I'm going to hell!! FML



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