Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 1:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 1:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML

by andi0804 / 08/04/2009 at 9:33pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was wearing my favorite tube top to the mall when a girl walked up and said, "I have that exact same skirt, why are you wearing it as a top?" I've been wearing it for two years, and no one's bothered to tell me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 7:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on my couch when my landlord walked in. He asked what I was doing there. I responded with the same question. Apparently my roommate forgot to call me and tell me that our lease ended three days ago. I am now standing in the parking lot with all my belongings, and it is raining. FML

by bigryngf / 08/04/2009 at 6:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML

by Michelle / 08/04/2009 at 1:31pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

by CzechMeOut / 08/04/2009 at 9:19am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 8:02am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML

by superfiedman / 08/04/2009 at 4:40am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

by Optimist / 08/04/2009 at 4:26am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?!" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 2:41am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

by jkon / 08/04/2009 at 1:11am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous