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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I arrived at my apartment to find the door kicked in. Inside, I found my TV, Xbox, stereo, CDs, and laptop had all been stolen. When my roommate got home, I told him about it, to which he replied, "Yeah, I left my keys inside this morning, so I kicked the door in to get them." He left with the door kicked in. FML

#7405101
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34353) - you deserved it (2413)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

#7401501
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27216) - you deserved it (4517)

On 01/17/2010 at 4:08pm - misc - by pumpkinbutt - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

#7400225
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19476) - you deserved it (31492)

On 01/17/2010 at 2:59pm - misc - by Jac (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked to my car to find a window smashed in. Lucky for me, nothing was stolen. It did, however, rain all morning. FML

#7397995
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26426) - you deserved it (2248)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:45pm - misc - by russty (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

#7396511
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33813) - you deserved it (2706)

On 01/17/2010 at 10:58am - misc - by poppet2010 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML

#7395726
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46802) - you deserved it (2446)

On 01/17/2010 at 9:41am - misc - by forgottendaughter (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

#7395269
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32235) - you deserved it (2576)

On 01/17/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

#7390490
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5748) - you deserved it (67384)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by ow (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

#7389576
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11358) - you deserved it (26381)

On 01/16/2010 at 11:43pm - misc - by Stumble (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I put my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML

#7386415
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13197) - you deserved it (27118)

On 01/16/2010 at 9:35pm - misc - by VeeDubDisaster (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

#7384100
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32028) - you deserved it (8526)

On 01/16/2010 at 7:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML

#7380443
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10113) - you deserved it (42068)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:05pm - misc - by kikinemo (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

#7378045
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25350) - you deserved it (11843)

On 01/16/2010 at 1:16pm - misc - by queenofdeath - Israel (Tel Aviv)



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