Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

#2597926
655 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7502) - you deserved it (120321)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by soljaboy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was performing in an orchestra concert. My stand partner and I commented on people in the audience the whole time, saying how fat they were, etc. Towards the end of the concert, I realized we were sitting right by a microphone, and the whole audience could hear us. FML

#2593362
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7481) - you deserved it (85057)

On 06/04/2009 at 7:35am - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML

#2592984
375 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9349) - you deserved it (158994)

On 06/04/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by Unluggee (woman) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, while walking down the street, a homeless man walked up to me. He opened his mouth to say something and I immediately said that I didn't have any spare change because I was late for work. He then said "I was gonna ask you for the time, dickwad". Apparently he wasn't homeless. FML

#2592109
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7786) - you deserved it (65506)

On 06/04/2009 at 4:07am - misc - by NoNaMe - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad asked me to move a potted plant from one side of the yard to the other. It looked like a very heavy pot, so I heaved it up with all my might. Turns out it was one of those heavy-looking ones that are actually light plastic. I fell over backwards and dumped dirt into my mouth. FML

#2590991
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40258) - you deserved it (17406)

On 06/04/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by ether10 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

#2587369
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39841) - you deserved it (5160)

On 06/04/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML

#2585937
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40123) - you deserved it (5756)

On 06/03/2009 at 11:36pm - misc - by j (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

#2583409
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49247) - you deserved it (7432)

On 06/03/2009 at 10:14pm - misc - by canadiankc (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

#2582009
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41088) - you deserved it (1444)

On 06/03/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by kilo1_13 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my sister asked me to help her set up for my niece's birthday party. Being the lazy person that I am, I got my niece to blow up the non-helium balloons. Apparently she's allergic to latex and I'll be the one paying for the hospital bill. FML

#2573344
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12102) - you deserved it (50843)

On 06/03/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by ivyleaguebabe (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML

#2569005
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55276) - you deserved it (3891)

On 06/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by doubleds (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

#2562332
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43370) - you deserved it (13782)

On 06/03/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by Kyokushin (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taken a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through that bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML

#2560724
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9475) - you deserved it (51436)

On 06/03/2009 at 6:40am - misc - by Unimpressed (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: