Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire 2 acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML

by overthehorizon / 07/27/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2009 at 5:38am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

by Anon / 07/27/2009 at 3:32am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent in a fake story to a website that supports a yearly festival in my small town thinking it would boost their spirits. It was how my boyfriend proposed to me at last year's festival. Now the local news station wants to do a story about it. FML

by Tasji / 07/27/2009 at 2:24am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML

by bookworm94 / 07/27/2009 at 12:10am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 50-year-old mother borrowed my denim miniskirt to go to the bar. In return, she offered to let me borrow her red "f*** me" pumps whenever I needed them. FML

by mvp / 07/26/2009 at 7:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on the large bungee drop at the West Edmonton Mall waterpark. As I was falling, my bikini top came off. I had to wait for the bungee rope to stop moving and the life guard to release the ankle strap. FML

by HorrorByrd / 07/26/2009 at 4:06pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

by Deadfish / 07/26/2009 at 1:17pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my phonebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I then got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably the only one that would show up." Even my mom thinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded for 3 weeks. FML

by racchhh / 07/26/2009 at 11:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was mowing lawns for my summer job. I noticed next to me a shiny new corvette being washed by the owner. I gave a friendly wave, just as I heard a big clank as the mower blade shot a rock into the side of the car. FML

by ferrin10 / 07/26/2009 at 1:59am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

by rbates / 07/25/2009 at 2:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the movies. All of a sudden, the woman next to me starts laughing uncontrollably and talking to her friend during the movie. This continued throughout the movie, ruining it. I turned and whispered to my friend. The woman then taps me on the shoulder and yells, "Shut the fuck up!" FML

by fmlatmovies / 07/25/2009 at 11:07am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.