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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88254) - you deserved it (14720)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

#5827048
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28094) - you deserved it (7107)

On 10/14/2009 at 10:36am - misc - by thelandofoz - United States (Florida)

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

#5826781
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20195) - you deserved it (8496)

On 10/14/2009 at 9:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

#5826147
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26741) - you deserved it (3978)

On 10/14/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by mybmw (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

#5825790
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7574) - you deserved it (29606)

On 10/14/2009 at 5:31am - misc - by fmypaint (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at home and my boyfriend called me and said that I'd left my G-string at his house. I only have one G-string and I was wearing it. FML

#5825697
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29014) - you deserved it (2332)

On 10/14/2009 at 5:20am - misc - by flipraff101 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

#5825370
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23065) - you deserved it (2270)

On 10/14/2009 at 4:09am - misc - by goodsister (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I passed my kidney stone. After thirteen hours of pain free joy, another one appeared. FML

#5824297
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30068) - you deserved it (2090)

On 10/14/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by kidneystoner - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML

#5822673
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23438) - you deserved it (12775)

On 10/13/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML

#5821457
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30749) - you deserved it (1909)

On 10/13/2009 at 10:31pm - misc - by stepknee (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

#5820033
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8971) - you deserved it (41710)

On 10/13/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

#5819831
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23165) - you deserved it (3217)

On 10/13/2009 at 9:25pm - misc - by Chensticles - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML



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