Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

#6100010
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12007) - you deserved it (45187)

On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

#6098895
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35607) - you deserved it (3164)

On 11/01/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by WasteOfTime (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

#6097881
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34317) - you deserved it (2104)

On 11/01/2009 at 6:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, while up in my room getting ready to go out, I thought I heard some trick or treaters knocking on the door. I ignored them because I didn't have any candy. The knocking got louder and longer. I walked downstairs, and noticed that the living room ceiling was falling down onto the floor. FML

#6094134
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26671) - you deserved it (4506)

On 11/01/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by trickortreat (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got rear-ended at a stop sign on a seldom used road in my neighborhood. As I open my car door to trade insurance information with the guy, he backs up a little and speeds away, taking my car door with him. FML

#6092612
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32694) - you deserved it (1914)

On 10/31/2009 at 11:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm and I saw and smelled smoke coming under my door. My second story window wouldn't unlock so I broke it open, threw out as many of my belongings as I could, and jumped. Turns out, the smell and noise were from my roomates cheap vacuum cleaner, not a fire. FML

Today, I found out that I was conceived during a conjugal visit. FML

#6089701
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32000) - you deserved it (2682)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

#6089311
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26018) - you deserved it (5962)

On 10/31/2009 at 7:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

#6088334
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33270) - you deserved it (6716)

On 10/31/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by trick or not treat - Sent from mobile version

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

#6086492
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6649) - you deserved it (31703)

On 10/31/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Lexi - Sent from mobile version

Today, I left my hammer outside after putting up my 'for sale' sign in front of my house. I realised and went outside to get it. The hammer had been used to smash my car window and steal stuff inside. FML

#6085563
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28041) - you deserved it (6387)

On 10/31/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by dogsickftl - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

#6084387
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27144) - you deserved it (3480)

On 10/31/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Morgannaken (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a 24-hour taco shop, while he was wearing a tee-shirt that says "F*** Me I'm Famous." FML

#6083717
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32167) - you deserved it (8943)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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