Today, I was sleeping in my apartment when I woke up to the smell of smoke. Alarmed, I ran out to the kitchen to find my roommates trying to put out a fire on the stove. As soon as they saw me, they ran for it, informing me that it was my problem now. They used my good frying pan. FML

by chinesef000d / 08/29/2009 at 1:38am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2009 at 12:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can actually talk to someone. FML

by MelanieP / 08/28/2009 at 11:39pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2009 at 9:44pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a knock on my door at 3AM. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML

by chasingcars0624 / 08/28/2009 at 7:44pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML

by pistonchamp159 / 08/28/2009 at 3:51am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML

by helenablitz / 08/28/2009 at 2:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML

by kitchencrime / 08/28/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

by blinkme / 08/28/2009 at 1:39am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of that smell of marijuana in the house. So I confess and tell her I will never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML

by Dumbweed / 08/28/2009 at 12:42am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school. She explained that the reason was because she didn't want me to be more successful than my older sisters. FML

by Kitty_Gem / 08/27/2009 at 4:28pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2009 at 11:53am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous