Today, an old lady came to the bank where I worked at to apply for a loan. She obviously didn't qualify for one as she has no income coming in. She looked so pitiful, so I changed a couple of her information so she could. She reported me and I got fired. FML

by NoThanks / 08/24/2009 at 2:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML

by w-dog / 08/24/2009 at 1:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2009 at 11:35am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm 'a self-absorbed bitch'. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2009 at 7:33am / Romania (Constanta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML

by secretdeo / 08/24/2009 at 12:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML

by bobuhbeartoe / 08/24/2009 at 12:36am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

by NotThatKind / 08/24/2009 at 12:28am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML

by violatedinden / 08/23/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a very pretty sunflower cake that I woke up incredibly early to make. It took me hours and a lot of money. It was for my grandparents anniversary and my whole family was invited. We only got to see the remains because the waiter gave it to the wrong family, and they ate it. FML

by sunflowercake / 08/23/2009 at 7:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that the medicated eye drops I have been taking to fight a mild eye infection show up under black lights when I walked into a party and the whole left side of my face was glowing. FML

by SummerGirl0009 / 08/23/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my dad squishing my stick-on bra cups in his hands, trying to figure out what they are. He's an engineer who graduated from MIT. I still don't think he knows what they are. FML

by Kegronauer / 08/23/2009 at 5:35pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to this meditation center which my mom suggested to get mental peace as I have been hating my job and life for some time now. I drove for an hour and then walked around in scorching Indian sun for 2 hours trying to locate the damn place. I got lost and returned home angrier than ever. FML

by zboy_123 / 08/23/2009 at 2:33pm / India (Haryana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded "Well the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

by chacha_bby / 08/23/2009 at 1:50pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous