Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

#6192023
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26900) - you deserved it (9503)

On 11/07/2009 at 3:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

#6191720
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11163) - you deserved it (30132)

On 11/07/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by munnyfish (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML

#6191568
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33593) - you deserved it (6039)

On 11/07/2009 at 1:55am - misc - by iheartvodka (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I celebrated my 18th birthday. Alone. My only birthday wish came from the police officer who gave me a ticket. FML

#6190643
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29877) - you deserved it (3309)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by bdayloser (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML

#6186259
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30164) - you deserved it (5451)

On 11/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I'm a 19 year old college student in NYC, it's Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my bed in my dorm room, talking to my mother on facebook chat. Then she stopped responding. Turns out even my mother has better things to do on Friday night. FML

#6186219
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26545) - you deserved it (5883)

On 11/06/2009 at 7:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML

#6185780
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6947) - you deserved it (40387)

On 11/06/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML

#6184737
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30934) - you deserved it (2264)

On 11/06/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by imsad (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I did a really good job playing someone who was really airheaded in my school's play. I wasn't trying to act like an airhead, the director told me that I got cast for the part because the character I was playing was "just like me". FML

#6182912
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22692) - you deserved it (6130)

On 11/06/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by Airhead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

#6182274
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26695) - you deserved it (4697)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

#6180723
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24193) - you deserved it (2260)

On 11/06/2009 at 10:22am - misc - by kernelkat (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

#6180431
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31734) - you deserved it (8914)

On 11/06/2009 at 9:31am - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Kobenhavn)

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML

#6179054
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26244) - you deserved it (4940)

On 11/06/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ShittyKeys (man) - United States (California)



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