Today, my friend called saying she was gathering all her girlfriends for a girl's night out. I was thrilled with the idea and started to think of something to wear. She then asked if I would mind watching her son. FML

by Finesse7791 / 09/20/2009 at 8:28am / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend meeting all of his friends for the first time. My boyfriend went into the kitchen to get me a drink, and after ten minutes I went looking for him. I discovered his friend holding two melons to his chest, mid explanation on how they look exactly like mine. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2009 at 8:00am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to babysit eight kids under the age of ten, all by myself. After five hours of Hell, the parents finally came back from the ASU game. I got paid $5. FML

by JazzyandAlice / 09/20/2009 at 2:06am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I have hypersomnia, which is basically being constantly tired. I've been treated with depression for years because the symptoms are similar. I've failed out of college three times because of this. Now, I think I really am depressed. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2009 at 1:03am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I must find a gentle way to tell my 71-year-old mother that she's too old to be wearing shirts that expose her belly. FML

by elmalo68 / 09/19/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was locked out of my house so I texted my cousin to come over and help me get in. She came over, stood on a chair and lifted me through the smallest unlocked window possible. Sadly, this was my bathroom window and I ended up head-first into my toilet. FML

by GodDaughter / 09/19/2009 at 8:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

by MgmEboy / 09/19/2009 at 5:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, it is my wedding day. I couldn't find my very expensive wedding dress anywhere. After almost 2 hours of panic and chaos, I found it in my pool, covered in red paint, with a note on one of my lounge chairs reading, "Today is MY wedding day, bitch." FML

by weddingcrashed / 09/19/2009 at 5:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my birthday. I asked for a camera - nothing fancy, just a basic digital camera. My mother bought my brother a fancy digital camera, with all the accessories, for over £200. She then gave me his old, analogue camera, that I can't get film for anymore. He hates taking photos. FML

by unlucky / 09/19/2009 at 3:05pm / United Kingdom (Hounslow) / Miscellaneous

Today, my unemployed boyfriend and I went to the casino. I gave him twenty dollars to play on. He won $1000 on a dollar machine then jackpotted the ten dollar machine for $20,000. When we got home he broke up with me. I have been working two jobs to get our own place. Move in Date?? 2 weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 1:14pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to turn on my computer and couldn't. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what was wrong when I finally called my husband for help and made him leave work. He came in, looked at the wall, and plugged it back in. The look on his face said it all. FML

by burnnotice / 09/19/2009 at 10:10am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I had my first born child. It's a boy. I found out on facebook. FML

by josh / 09/19/2009 at 4:47am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

by asthmasucks / 09/19/2009 at 3:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous