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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I got a card from the jewelry store thanking me for purchasing an engagement ring a year ago and wishing me and my fiancée a long and everlasting marriage. Too bad my fiancée took off with the pizza delivery boy 6 months ago. FML

#6325970
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32592) - you deserved it (2006)

On 11/16/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by figures (man) - United States (New York)

Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML

#6324713
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6103) - you deserved it (23245)

On 11/16/2009 at 9:04am - misc - by BadatDIY (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I stood in line for one hour to get a new phone. It then took me 2 minutes to drop it and shatter the screen, and 2 seconds for the employee to look at, laugh, and tell me, "That Sucks." FML

#6322699
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13434) - you deserved it (27277)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by bananaface (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, feeling like I needed to relax, I ordered room service at my hotel. When I was finished I went to put the tray outside not thinking about needing a key to get back in. I locked myself out of my room wearing happy face underwear in a $250 a night hotel. I had to go to the lobby to get a new key. FML

#6321079
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8629) - you deserved it (23619)

On 11/16/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

#6318893
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46042) - you deserved it (2213)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

#6316031
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61662) - you deserved it (3774)

On 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

#6315427
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9750) - you deserved it (33269)

On 11/15/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, when I walked up to my car, all my windows were smashed. Thankfully, all I keep in my car is jumper cables, a pen, my car insurance and manual. Whoever smashed my windows apparently was pissed, 'cos they left a note saying "F**k you and your f**king station wagon". FML

#6315391
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28884) - you deserved it (2265)

On 11/15/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by Smashed (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

#6313521
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27361) - you deserved it (1677)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by theropod (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up with a bloody nose and my lamp next to me in bed. Apparently I grabbed the cord of the lamp and yanked while I was sleeping, and it fell on my face. The worst part? My boyfriend saw it was going to happen, but didn't stop me because he thought it would be funny to "see my reaction." FML

#6313431
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25866) - you deserved it (2989)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by oww - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML

#6312971
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7331) - you deserved it (38175)

On 11/15/2009 at 1:46pm - misc - by firefliiez (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

#6312385
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26292) - you deserved it (5169)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Ugh (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

#6312169
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4898) - you deserved it (65657)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:34pm - misc - by Klepto (man) - United States (District of Columbia)



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