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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML

#21453582
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22241) - you deserved it (2410)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:52pm - misc - by brbkillingmyself - United States

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

#21453366
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22022) - you deserved it (1906)

On 08/08/2015 at 1:18am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

#21453297
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20147) - you deserved it (10117)

On 08/07/2015 at 9:59pm - misc - by godzilllla - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

#21453243
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23113) - you deserved it (2079)

On 08/07/2015 at 6:13pm - misc - by DietWater - United States (California)

Today, my sister offered me a couple doughnuts she bought recently. Thinking she was just being nice, I went ahead and started eating, and was met with the most horrid taste I've ever experienced. Turns out her "recently" was two weeks ago. FML

#21453223
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21429) - you deserved it (1949)

On 08/07/2015 at 5:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML

#21453063
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30370) - you deserved it (1911)

On 08/07/2015 at 7:24am - misc - by ruserious (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

#21452786
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25321) - you deserved it (2643)

On 08/06/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by ugly duckling - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

#21452688
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22230) - you deserved it (2546)

On 08/06/2015 at 11:18am - misc - by Lilo4life - United States (California)

Today, I learnt the meaning of the phrase "ménage à trois". I had always thought it was synonymous with "fiasco" and have used it several times in essays. FML

Today, an older lady approached me at work and stroked my hair, telling me it was 'beautiful'. This isn't unusual, I'm a natural redhead and octogenarians especially seem to love the colour. However, the unusual part was the glob of snot she left in my hair from her unwashed hands. FML

#21452391
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21561) - you deserved it (1466)

On 08/05/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by gingerwhinger - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I entered a painting I'd worked on for weeks into an art competition. I won nothing. I wouldn't care so much if the guy I lost out to hadn't submitted a blank canvas and called it a "conceptual piece". FML

#21452227
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24872) - you deserved it (1685)

On 08/05/2015 at 12:47pm - misc - by thekyledavid (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I found out that you can ruin a $500 computer with a few stray drops of 100% acetone nail polish remover on the keyboard. FML

#21452034
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11948) - you deserved it (19614)

On 08/05/2015 at 12:37am - misc - by just wanted nice nails - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

#21451832
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24194) - you deserved it (1840)

On 08/04/2015 at 4:56pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)



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