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Man or woman?

Today, I'm lying awake at 2 in the morning listening to the police helicopter circle my house yet again. I recently moved near quiet woodland to escape the traffic noise that disturbed my sleep. Quiet woodland where apparently the local criminals play midnight hide-and-seek with the police. FML

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

#21454460
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22544) - you deserved it (1983)

On 08/10/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by Mrs. W. (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

#21454360
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22081) - you deserved it (1988)

On 08/10/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

#21454286
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19676) - you deserved it (5411)

On 08/10/2015 at 1:04pm - misc - by imma ture (man) -

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML

#21454264
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19795) - you deserved it (8359)

On 08/10/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by monster1109 (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML

#21454240
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21102) - you deserved it (1798)

On 08/10/2015 at 10:32am - misc - by lvegadelgado_6 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

#21454163
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22945) - you deserved it (1556)

On 08/10/2015 at 4:32am - misc - by mildlyconcussed - Italy (Campania)

Today, my parents told me they were getting divorced, at the beginning of a family road trip, adding that this'll be the last thing we ever do as a family. FML

#21453738
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27015) - you deserved it (1486)

On 08/09/2015 at 2:27am - misc - by jordan.marie97 - Australia

Today, to settle a bet with a friend, I took an online IQ test twice. The first time, I chose answers at random without reading the questions. The second time, I took it for real. I got a higher score from the random selections than from my serious attempt. FML

#21453729
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22639) - you deserved it (5544)

On 08/09/2015 at 1:46am - misc - by shuahwan (man) - New Zealand

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

#21453630
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22034) - you deserved it (2718)

On 08/08/2015 at 9:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

#21453585
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20827) - you deserved it (4446)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:56pm - misc - by I love L (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML

#21453582
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22229) - you deserved it (2408)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:52pm - misc - by brbkillingmyself - United States

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

#21453366
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22020) - you deserved it (1906)

On 08/08/2015 at 1:18am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada



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