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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

#21408243
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30319) - you deserved it (3005)

On 05/11/2015 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I planned a lunch out with my mom for Mother's Day. She seemed excited about it and "couldn't wait!" She never showed up. FML

#21407958
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27133) - you deserved it (1780)

On 05/10/2015 at 6:08pm - misc - by weirdlaugh (woman) - United States

Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML

#21407716
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27868) - you deserved it (6981)

On 05/10/2015 at 10:34am - misc - by pissed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my drunken feminazi mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

#21407591
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29923) - you deserved it (2623)

On 05/10/2015 at 2:00am - misc - by How's the salmon? - United States

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

#21407465
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26646) - you deserved it (2052)

On 05/09/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by yapDogs (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a passing by bird managed to poop through my car's sunroof and onto the center console. FML

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year old girl, for my grandpa. FML

#21407351
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27725) - you deserved it (1959)

On 05/09/2015 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

#21407311
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32897) - you deserved it (2709)

On 05/09/2015 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

#21407296
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23369) - you deserved it (9693)

On 05/09/2015 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

#21407249
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27733) - you deserved it (8877)

On 05/09/2015 at 1:13pm - misc - by Rar (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML

#21407053
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27350) - you deserved it (1795)

On 05/09/2015 at 12:10am - misc - by sarahmaxine - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

#21406781
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27245) - you deserved it (3710)

On 05/08/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by McWhopper - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

#21406695
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13104) - you deserved it (34644)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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