Today, my mom parked in a handicapped space because, "the Spanish people are taking over everything." FML

by Thanks Trump / 03/08/2016 at 5:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was doing my make-up, I needed a Q-tip to fix a mistake. I took one out the box and put it in my mouth to get it wet. Too bad someone had used it before to clean their ears. FML

by idontlikebitter / 03/08/2016 at 4:10pm / Switzerland (Aargau) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend used my phone to tag some of my overweight Facebook friends in a weight-loss video, along with the comment "Here's some motivation, fatasses!" I was able to delete the post, but not before I got a bunch of angry messages. FML

by jwill200 / 03/08/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother-in-law told me that God won't allow me to have a baby with my husband because we're both agnostic. Yet it seems God thinks her druggie daughter can have two just because she's a Christian. FML

by Tiny_Nerd / 03/08/2016 at 10:00am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend woke up, and half-asleep, muttered: "What time is it? Did the neighbours start drilling again?" I'll try harder to keep my farts in from now on. FML

by Juju Bear / 03/08/2016 at 6:54am / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised they could come had excuses why they couldn't make it. Now I'm at the bar, alone. FML

by erptwerp / 03/07/2016 at 11:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend is mad at me for causing him to fail a science test. Apparently he thought I was serious when I told him that homo sapiens were extinct because they were "homo". FML

by Anonymous / 03/07/2016 at 2:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first driving test. The instructor turned out to be the kind of twit who made me do the full 60-minute test, only to tell me afterwards that he was failing me for the only mistake I made less than 2 minutes after the test started. Time wasting tit. FML

by it's called an accelerator, grandma, get your ass in gear / 03/06/2016 at 2:59pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to make new friends, so I sat with the lonely guy at lunch. Now he keeps following me, with his phone in a camera position. FML

by iSamsung / 03/06/2016 at 9:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I made 2 beautifully decorated cakes for Mother's Day. One was for my mother in law and the other for my mum. I came down to pack my mum's and found they had both been half eaten. My brother in law decided he wanted to try a bit of both to decide which was better. FML

by mancuneanway / 03/06/2016 at 8:11am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my family picked a place for my birthday dinner. They chose a seafood restaurant. I'm allergic. FML

by Liah12 / 03/05/2016 at 8:52am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my tiny apartment flooded. My family lives out of state and the few friends I have all gave me B.S. excuses for why I can't stay over for a few nights. I'm so broke this month that I'll probably have to hit up my psycho ex. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2016 at 6:17am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2016 at 12:57am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous