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Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML

#21366058
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28002) - you deserved it (2481)

On 03/01/2015 at 6:22pm - misc - by smalltownkid - United States (Texas)

Today, my drunken mom began to frantically scream "YEAH" "WOO HOO" and "ALRIGHT" at some kindergarteners that were singing Amazing Grace in honor of a restaurant owner who had recently died. FML

#21365671
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30517) - you deserved it (2135)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:07am - misc - by RadioactiveKush - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

#21365639
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29555) - you deserved it (3076)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by mszoe - United States (California)

Today, I'm stuck in a taxi cab while the driver listens to a radio show about sex fetishes. Can't wait to look him in the eye as I pay him. FML

#21365302
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25772) - you deserved it (2519)

On 02/28/2015 at 2:53pm - misc - by jojolee68 (woman) - United States

Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML

#21365151
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37775) - you deserved it (4512)

On 02/28/2015 at 9:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

#21364935
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25933) - you deserved it (2358)

On 02/27/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by bobjope -

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

#21364892
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27999) - you deserved it (3062)

On 02/27/2015 at 10:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my hiccups got so intense that I threw up in the middle of class. FML

#21364742
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30086) - you deserved it (2255)

On 02/27/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by pregz (woman) - United States

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

#21364671
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29106) - you deserved it (2510)

On 02/27/2015 at 3:20pm - misc - by Y_Y (man) - United States

Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML

#21364630
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30581) - you deserved it (2659)

On 02/27/2015 at 2:14pm - misc - by boyishgirl - United States (Alaska)

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

#21364532
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38) - you deserved it (2422)

On 02/27/2015 at 10:29am - misc - by MCForty (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

#21364287
160 comments

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

#21364157
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30096) - you deserved it (2471)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by We're still popping them - United States (California)



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