Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML

by sick of this shit / 03/12/2016 at 8:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, an attention seeking weirdo who thinks she's my friend asked me who was going to be the maid of honour at my wedding. Knowing what she was really asking, I said I just want a small, non-fancy wedding with no bridesmaids. She broke down into a sobbing mess in front of me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2016 at 6:13am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML

by GetAnotherRoomAlready / 03/12/2016 at 12:58am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I forgot my phone on the roof of my car. I took a 30 minute drive from my friend's city to my city. I got on to my driveway, surprised to see my phone still there. Thinking I'm really lucky, I pick up my phone. Then, I trip over a pebble, cracking my phone in the process. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2016 at 7:20am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely. My birthday is coming up soon, so I thought maybe they were planning a surprise party. Nope. Turns out they've just been secretly hanging out without me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2016 at 11:41am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML

by Mybrotherissatan / 03/10/2016 at 10:59am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2016 at 8:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my family informed me that we were going on a 10 hour road trip to my cousin's wedding. They only decided to tell me 45 minutes before we left for said road trip. FML

by SlowPacker / 03/09/2016 at 2:07am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom parked in a handicapped space because, "the Spanish people are taking over everything." FML

by Thanks Trump / 03/08/2016 at 5:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was doing my make-up, I needed a Q-tip to fix a mistake. I took one out the box and put it in my mouth to get it wet. Too bad someone had used it before to clean their ears. FML

by idontlikebitter / 03/08/2016 at 4:10pm / Switzerland (Aargau) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend used my phone to tag some of my overweight Facebook friends in a weight-loss video, along with the comment "Here's some motivation, fatasses!" I was able to delete the post, but not before I got a bunch of angry messages. FML

by jwill200 / 03/08/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother-in-law told me that God won't allow me to have a baby with my husband because we're both agnostic. Yet it seems God thinks her druggie daughter can have two just because she's a Christian. FML

by Tiny_Nerd / 03/08/2016 at 10:00am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend woke up, and half-asleep, muttered: "What time is it? Did the neighbours start drilling again?" I'll try harder to keep my farts in from now on. FML

by Juju Bear / 03/08/2016 at 6:54am / Miscellaneous