Today, my 43 year old mother came home covered in hickeys. FML

by chickenshit4 / 05/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United States (South Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm still awake from not sleeping last night. The reason? At 2am I was in my garage when all of a sudden someone's phone went off outside. I live in the country and no one should be out there. Looks like I'm not sleeping for the next few weeks. FML.

Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML.

by Anonymous / 05/14/2016 at 4:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got the wristbands in the mail for a music festival in a month and a half. This is my first time going to an event like this and I got overzealous and put it on. Now it's locked tightly on my wrist. I checked online after and it said not to put it on before you arrive at the event. FML

Today, I was food shamed by my boyfriend in front of an entire restaurant and his parents because my meal cost more than his. His mom chimed in saying her meal usually costs more than his step dad's too and not to be upset. I'm 8 months pregnant, of course mine costs more. FML

by Preggo / 05/14/2016 at 1:11pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend changed our cable subscription to include MTV. This made us lose the only channel I care about: HBO. Goodbye Game of Thrones, hello Teen Mom. FML

by Bloop / 05/13/2016 at 8:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, despite being in high school, I'm still shorter than the average 3rd grader. FML

by forever_young / 05/13/2016 at 9:03am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding. I didn't know at first, so I blew my nose and an inhuman amount of blood sprayed out the side of the tissue all over my desk, the wall, and the student's paper. It looked like a murder scene. FML

by the bleeder / 05/13/2016 at 1:05am / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

by superb12345 / 05/11/2016 at 10:50pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the kitchen to see my dad peeing into a cup. We made eye contact and he quickly threw the cup into the sink. Not one word has been spoken about what happened, and I saw my mom use the same cup later on that day. FML

by yamuda / 05/11/2016 at 7:24pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML

by kentrm / 05/10/2016 at 10:12pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I surprise-visited my uncle after not seeing him for 4 years because of college. When he opened the door to his house, he was wearing Crocs. Of course, that would have been completely fine if it weren't for the fact that they were the only thing he was wearing. FML

by Scarred Nephew / 05/10/2016 at 6:28pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted to be nice to my boyfriend and buy him a cake. Not only did I drop it in the bus, when I got home I forgot that I'd put it on my bed, and sat on it. FML

by MJensen / 05/10/2016 at 5:57pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous