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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my grandma begins her second week of unemployment. So far, she has paced outside my door, randomly comes into my room, and I woke up this morning to find a bible on my bed. I now look forward to going to work every day. FML

#21076525
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32730) - you deserved it (2859)

On 03/03/2014 at 1:12am - misc - by get me out of this house! (woman) - United States

Today, I have exactly 204 snowflakes saved onto my computer, all of which I made on this snowflake-making website. This is what my life has come to. FML

#21076482
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30468) - you deserved it (8398)

On 03/03/2014 at 12:18am - misc - by ealovan - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got my first massage. At the end, the masseuse made a gesture indicating which way the exit was. After having had her hands all over my body for the past hour, I thought the gesture was indicative of a goodbye hug. Things got awkward really fast. FML

#21076286
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33417) - you deserved it (7440)

On 03/02/2014 at 9:30pm - misc - by AlwaysAwkward - United States (Ohio)

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while, but I had heard she was pregnant. I rubbed her belly and asked when she was due. She slowly backed away, giving me a weird look and said, "Two months ago." FML

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

#21075503
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43070) - you deserved it (3573)

On 03/02/2014 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML

#21074902
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35304) - you deserved it (3247)

On 03/01/2014 at 12:23pm - misc - by thanks, cunt-o (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

#21074690
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20037) - you deserved it (37907)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, my car was found with a smashed window and a torn-apart steering column, in order to hot-wire it. The thief didn't get away with my car, though. The engine was in the garage, where I've been working on it for two days. FML

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

#21073315
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24167) - you deserved it (53316)

On 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm - misc - by well SHIT (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

#21073034
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16756) - you deserved it (53145)

On 02/27/2014 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

#21072333
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39063) - you deserved it (5327)

On 02/26/2014 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

#21072281
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35059) - you deserved it (3974)

On 02/26/2014 at 3:55pm - misc - by IVOaf (woman) - United States

Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML

#21071970
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46574) - you deserved it (3972)

On 02/26/2014 at 4:31am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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