Today, I walked in on my sister and a few of my roommates planning a surprise party for a fellow roommate whose birthday is a week away. My birthday was yesterday. No one remembered. Not even my own sister. FML

by aishahahaha_ / 06/18/2016 at 8:34pm / Zambia (Lusaka) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I found out that if I'm tickled it causes me to have a panic attack until I cry. FML

by RIP / 06/18/2016 at 7:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

by pass me the fucking rope / 06/18/2016 at 9:17am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone finally came to fix my phone line after three weeks with no Internet. The engineer reconnected the phone line to the wrong apartment. I hope my neighbour is enjoying my unlimited broadband. FML

by caggybandicoot / 06/17/2016 at 10:37pm / United Kingdom (Torbay) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, thanks to the unholy power of autocorrect, I told my mother-in-law that "crispy dick" is on the menu tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2016 at 7:29pm / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a new way to tell if my girlfriend is on her period. If she responds to "Want me to get you anything while I'm at the store?" by screaming "God just fuck off, you cunt!" then bursting into tears, the answer is a definite yes. FML

by sad / 06/17/2016 at 6:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to something crawling on my leg. Thinking it might be a spider, I jumped out frantically to check. The good news: it's not a spider. The bad news: it's a bedbug. My apartment was just treated for them. FML

by Elgrin / 06/17/2016 at 2:03pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was buried in texts from two of my bridesmaids about how much they hated their dresses. Dresses they helped pick. I can either be a bridezilla, put up with this for 4 more months, or ruin two friendships. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2016 at 3:04am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML

by mild banana / 06/16/2016 at 12:55pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was once again called a "selfish bitch" because I don't want kids, even though I can't provide for them mentally, emotionally, physically or financially. FML

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

by wtf / 06/16/2016 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2016 at 1:07pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2016 at 11:07am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous