Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML

by fuckit / 07/23/2016 at 2:52am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was heading out for my flight to Australia. I'd put a padlock on my luggage to keep my wallet and passport safe, only to realize way too late that I'd left the key at home. I couldn't get at my passport and ended up missing my flight and my whole vacation along with it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2016 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and found a turd casually sitting in the bathroom sink. Just 9 more months left on this lease. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2016 at 1:17pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told I'm not invited to my best friend's birthday party. Apparently, being divorced and childless doesn't "mesh" well with the rest of the group. My parents are still watching her kids so she can go away for the weekend. FML

by Foreveralone / 07/22/2016 at 4:54am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, is my one day off for the week. My mother in law is visiting, and has decided we need to rearrange my living room. FML

by tiredmomma / 07/21/2016 at 5:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my religious mother found out I work at Planned Parenthood. Now everytime she sees me, she prays until I leave the room. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2016 at 2:12pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bleached my upper lip hair so it wouldn't be visible anymore. At school, for the first time, the guy I like came over to talk to me after class. Just as I thought he was about to ask me out, he told me how weird my "gold moustache" looks. FML

Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

by rejectedprobably / 07/18/2016 at 7:06pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my father came downstairs, wearing my mother's dressing gown. It didn't fit. FML

Today, my mom figured that the best time to announce that I'm adopted was during her speech at my wedding. FML

by DidNotExpectThat / 07/18/2016 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent my grandfather a picture of me because he hasn't seen me in years. I guess I should wear makeup next time, because he sent back a heavily photoshopped and cropped version and told me how beautiful I look. FML

by Photoshopped / 07/18/2016 at 12:34am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up in the hospital after my sister saved me from "hanging" myself. In reality, my sister choked me because I ate her last chicken nugget. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2016 at 9:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a very harsh argument from my mother about her not seeing her grandchild enough, I decided to vent out my rage in a text to my friend. It wasn't until after I sent the message, that yes, I sent that message to my mom FML

by gamerlaura / 07/17/2016 at 6:38pm / Miscellaneous