Miscellaneous: Noise machine

Noise machine

By achtung - 01/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 126

You deserved it 5 822

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Same thing different taste

Not now, Kelsey

By Amy - 01/04/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 707

You deserved it 7 253

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 465

You deserved it 4 807

By MisterBrown - 15/02/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 761

You deserved it 3 358

By Anonymous - 16/07/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 185

You deserved it 3 370

By Alisterine - 24/08/2014 17:31 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 217

You deserved it 14 618

By Woody - 06/10/2018 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 682

You deserved it 396

Drugs are bad, mkay ?

By theshitguy - 15/06/2021 08:01 - Australia - Kedron

Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 1 162

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 960

You deserved it 7 914

A little less conversation…

By IPityTheStool - 09/06/2011 13:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by, "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. Then we continued to chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 491

You deserved it 7 615

How? Why?

By Noname - 12/03/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 038

You deserved it 31 362

OEsEben 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 1:38

If you're a good fake cougher you can cover up the whole thing... then just walk out rubbing your throat and say "mmm something in my...." and just walk past

achtung_fml 5

Monday 16 March 2009 5:53

Scoot: "Turn on the fan, and sink. Everybody knows that." I know now, Scoot. I know now.

Comments

OEsEben 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 1:38

If you're a good fake cougher you can cover up the whole thing... then just walk out rubbing your throat and say "mmm something in my...." and just walk past

browneyedgirl52 13

Tuesday 22 January 2013 4:37

Or just be a man and accept the fact that you, like her, poop. Everybody poops, even if their cute girls. And sometimes, it's a loud, smelly poop.

saraitkddh 47

Tuesday 22 October 2013 0:45

what #38 said

MyLifeIsChaotic 2

Wednesday 13 November 2013 20:14

The damage is already done.

Tri_fml 5

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:30

@ #3 - that's not true. 2 of the best lays of my life have been my friends' sisters - still good mates with both of them :)

charleycake 0

Thursday 17 June 2010 20:29

i highly doubt that if you drive that piece of shit

jibz 6

Tuesday 3 August 2010 4:11

Who the **** are you to judge someone based on what car they drive? Someone who drives a Ferrari isn't any better than someone who drives a Sedan. Grow the **** up, for all you know, that might not even be his car.

maz_irken 6

Tuesday 30 August 2011 2:31

fail

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

Wednesday 5 November 2014 21:09

Wtf are you taking about cars?

AliSama 17

Sunday 22 February 2009 20:33

unless you are none corporial, shit happens. There are far worst things to happen in front of cute girl then her then that. it can be a funny har har moment in a movie but your life is not a movie.