Miscellaneous: Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you...

By sober - 12/02/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 376

You deserved it 4 325

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

It's better than nothing, I suppose

By thatonekid - 06/05/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, my dad texted me, "I love u." I replied, "I love you too dad... are you drunk?" He answers back, "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 021

You deserved it 5 178

By paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 712

You deserved it 5 788

By Illinoisgirl - 14/02/2012 14:29 - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 226

You deserved it 3 049

Nice view

By Sexting Parents - 16/11/2012 02:45 - United States - Short Hills

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 844

You deserved it 2 748

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 141

Let down

By MoxyR12 - 24/06/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 802

You deserved it 5 707

By Anonymous - 15/05/2015 23:55 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 728

You deserved it 2 377

Supportive

By arch maester shavayalsharashion - 26/07/2015 17:29 - United Kingdom - Surbiton

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 808

You deserved it 2 930

Drunk MC

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 14:03 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 493

You deserved it 3 031

By Username - 17/08/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 680

You deserved it 41 801

XxLorniklexX 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:13

This is why parents shouldn't text.

kk_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 6:17

that is hilarious

Comments

blah_blah_shity 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 5:24

EW that sucks. awkward. LOL

BethiiGeex 0

Saturday 19 June 2010 12:20

Best fml ever XD

kk_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 6:17

that is hilarious

ihml44 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 7:32

hahah funny, but if that ever happened to me i'd probably never go home again hahh

yay_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 7:52

Bahahahahahahaha this is something my dad would do.

Lil_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 12:19

HAHA. That is funny! And the fact that he said "What you up to girl" just makes it worse.

INDYSTRUCTABLE 43

Monday 21 April 2014 21:17

hilarious indeed, unless he was attempting to flirt. then its creepy & awkward

greenman_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 16:02

you should have responded: "n2m just bangin some random dude. pce"

hellzyeah88 0

Friday 13 February 2009 5:01

lol...my mom drunk texts me all the time.... : )

XxLorniklexX 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:13

This is why parents shouldn't text.

pommeblossom 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 5:45

AHHAHA :D

annieis 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 22:50

hahaha im at work and laughing outloud

Keywords

Parents Relatable Work Awkward Job interview Social Media Jealousy Love Facebook Friends Relationship advice AITA Kids Roommate Shoes Annoying Music Names Customers Money Education Capitalism Weird Gamers Bodyshaming Coworkers Landlords Allergies Dogs Embarrassing

The Top

Today, my girlfriend refused to have sex with me, because my underwear are Fruit of the Loom instead of Hanes. According to her, since all real men wear Hanes, I'm unfit to have sex with her because I wear Fruit of the Loom and am therefore not a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 763

You deserved it 424

Today, I was having sexy time with my girlfriend when she said she needed to pee. She came back 5 minutes later and started talking about how she hasn't seen her best friend in ages and misses her. Needless to say, I couldn't get the man downstairs back up when we continued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 180

The Top

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her father looked me up and down, said, “No” then went back to his TV. My girlfriend immediately broke up with me and threw me out. I even had to get a really expensive taxi home, because we’d driven in her car and I had no idea what part of the city I was in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 884

You deserved it 150

Today, mom was finally convinced that grandpap is senile when he decided to "hunt" the deer head mounted on the wall with his shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 344

You deserved it 178

Today, the vet told me that my cat is too fat to be able to wipe her own ass. I had to go Walmart to purchase pet wipes to clean her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 899

You deserved it 3 567

Today, I had to submit references so my anatomy/physiology teacher might acknowledge that tetanus is not the same as muscle cramps, and correct the lesson that's been in place for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 77

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 214

You deserved it 6 125

Today, I fractured two ribs from coughing. My doctor told me to stop coughing, or I would fracture them more. I have bronchitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 227

You deserved it 1 264