Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke...

By WakeUpToADream - 25/09/2015 20:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 275

You deserved it 1 979

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Same thing different taste

By coolhand - 29/08/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 511

You deserved it 67 415

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 861

You deserved it 5 656

By jester777 - 22/01/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 545

You deserved it 49 395

By Countdown has begun - 16/05/2019 12:58

Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 996

You deserved it 221

By Gas-pingForAir - 19/09/2016 08:59 - United States - Columbia

Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 768

You deserved it 1 668

Powerful

By Noguestlist - 02/03/2011 08:16

Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 564

You deserved it 9 941

By Cpm - 01/12/2009 01:55 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 503

You deserved it 5 083

By pikachu - 20/01/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 566

You deserved it 4 531

By whatchagonnado - 24/03/2013 07:35 - Canada - Victoria

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 937

You deserved it 8 870

By Nico711 - 30/03/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 426

You deserved it 205

WCARlover 34

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:15

if only her boss knew the sacrifices she made

RitRit 20

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:11

Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Comments

SillyGiraffe 17

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:11

At least her responsibility will take a load off your mind

syki 22

Saturday 26 September 2015 16:00

She will never be late dropping their future kids off at the pool.

redrain567 16

Sunday 27 September 2015 0:25

OP's mind wasn't the only thing a load was dropped out of...

danceinconverse 25

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:11

Well what I take from it is you get scheduled sex, which is better than a lot of people.

Namenlos_fml 20

Monday 28 September 2015 23:21

Seriously. She deserves a raise.

RitRit 20

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:11

Desperate times call for desperate measures!

vikky538 28

Saturday 26 September 2015 21:25

Or desperate dump

WCARlover 34

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:15

if only her boss knew the sacrifices she made

Schala360 27

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:17

Nature called

enginsteve 17

Sunday 27 September 2015 11:50

and she answered

Silk_Routes 14

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:17

i like her

brookiee527 13

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:18

*digs own grave*

MrDonSalvetti 27

Saturday 26 September 2015 17:29

You like to dig your own grave, don't you?

ohrly 11

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:22

Pooping at work is never fun

Badkarma4u 17

Saturday 26 September 2015 19:22

I guess it depends on where you work. Its fine for me.

enginsteve 17

Sunday 27 September 2015 11:56

According to workpoop.com, I make over $5,000 a year pooping... Yeah, I'm good with it.

arano 29

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:24

Better than the kitchen sink, I guess. As long as she doesn't miss.

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:25

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

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The Top

Today, I found out my dentist is retiring. This wouldn't be that big of a deal except that if we want to transfer our dental records to a new dentist we have to do it before he retires and there's a $30 processing fee per person. Three of us use that dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 77

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 856

You deserved it 5 979

The Top

Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 996

You deserved it 221

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 355

You deserved it 3 070

Today, I met the exchange student who will be living with us for a year. As we were talking, she told me that she doesn't like reading, writing, drawing, athletics, watching television or listening to music. What does she like to do during her free time? Study. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 258

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 300

You deserved it 33 305

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 930

You deserved it 52 536

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 698

You deserved it 1 638

Same thing different taste

Powerful

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