Miscellaneous: Humor bypass

Humor bypass

By #goodbyelife - 09/12/2014 00:38 - United States

Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 132

You deserved it 6 227

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Same thing different taste

By lehonX9 - 06/06/2015 09:11 - Germany - Hanover

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 789

You deserved it 9 716

Never try this at home

By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 13:00 - United States - Grass Valley

Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 86

By Yoooooo0 - 29/11/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 054

You deserved it 3 720

By -_- - 05/07/2013 21:59 - United States - Munith

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 571

You deserved it 5 224

By Anonymous - 08/11/2014 20:36 - United States - Deland

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 980

You deserved it 38 767

By idiot - 28/07/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 833

You deserved it 126 178

By Grounded - 29/12/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 251

You deserved it 3 853

By why?! - 10/09/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 240

You deserved it 2 859

By Anonymous - 05/11/2014 19:52 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 147

You deserved it 10 216

Worth it

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 22:58

Today, my mom thought it would be funny to wake me up with a monster mask on, holding a knife, and screaming, "I'm going to kill you!" My first response was to punch her in the face then kick her. Guess who's grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 88

your_ma 27

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:33

Is your mum a total fucktard?

lovelyvampire 16

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:33

not sure who to blame here, well your mom lol. she's ether really gullible or just crazy... I'm sure it was all fixed quickly. now you have a story to tell at future parties! :)

Comments

lovelyvampire 16

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:33

not sure who to blame here, well your mom lol. she's ether really gullible or just crazy... I'm sure it was all fixed quickly. now you have a story to tell at future parties! :)

drunkmunkey 24

Tuesday 9 December 2014 13:22

but what does it tell you about OP that his mom would believe that was really going on?

sandormatyi 25

Tuesday 9 December 2014 14:17

either the mother is really gullible or OP frequently does things like this

Joshwarrior 39

Tuesday 9 December 2014 17:41

I don't think op is going to any future parties though lol did you read the username?

your_ma 27

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:33

Is your mum a total fucktard?

wallamanut 14

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:55

and if she's that paranoid, she probably isn't mentally sane enough be owning any guns in the first place if she believes a scenario like that could actually happen.

bedforddanesss 14

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:59

It's America bub. Anyone can have a gun nowadays. Even if you kill kids it seems.

Otherhats 20

Tuesday 9 December 2014 13:10

You, I don't like you.

Tthug 34

Tuesday 9 December 2014 13:47

#9, when in american history has anyone not been able to own a gun? You pretend like the 2nd amendment is a new thing.

your_ma 27

Tuesday 9 December 2014 13:53

#22 You, you can suck it.

bedforddanesss 14

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:35

I've danced on the table to hooked on a feeling by blue swede while my parents were gone but nothing close to that. Though I don't how she would believe you unless you've done something Similar before?..

everton99 16

Tuesday 9 December 2014 19:24

I'm not sure why you got so many thumbs down clicks.

cherry_popper69 11

Wednesday 10 December 2014 5:45

Same reason you got down votes

Earths_Venus 25

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:36

I like that you're creative enough to come up with that. And that you can make it believable!

AnOriginalName 19

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:39

That's a very impressive story to come up with on the spur of the moment. Your mom should have made your favorite dinner or something for you for that creativity and believability.

bombielol 20

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:42

it sounds like your parents lack a sense of humor... sucks to be you op

albertozeta_fml 9

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:47

The fact that your mum thinks that you can be able to do something like that should make you think over the imagine you give of yourself to the others.