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zomgbies
  • Town/Country : Philadelphia, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 962
  • Number of comments : 252
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About zomgbies : ~d(^_^)b~ Chillin at the speed of sound. Cranking dnb, trance, rock and metal.
I didn't intend on having a sideways pic. FML decided to go hipster on me

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zomgbies's favorite FMLs

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48957) - you deserved it (8617)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the skittles into my face. FML

#20768354
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39964) - you deserved it (4113)

On 07/07/2013 at 6:55am - kids - by tastetherainbow - United States (Texas)

Today, I Googled "How to act like an adult." I'm 37. FML

#20765003
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21640) - you deserved it (45763)

On 07/05/2013 at 11:16am - misc - by forever young (woman) - United States

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53101) - you deserved it (9598)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

#20759304
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39706) - you deserved it (19302)

On 07/02/2013 at 2:47am - intimacy - by lonely girl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23377) - you deserved it (61161)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

#20755283
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45939) - you deserved it (2918)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by whipplewhip - United States

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

#20749220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22732) - you deserved it (29202)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by blahblah (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

#20748338
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37180) - you deserved it (7330)

On 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

#20746882
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36594) - you deserved it (5198)

On 06/25/2013 at 5:45pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

#20745866
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45336) - you deserved it (7862)

On 06/25/2013 at 2:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

#20745749
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24823) - you deserved it (38757)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27585) - you deserved it (5236)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

#20744693
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43118) - you deserved it (6129)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:49pm - health - by SillyScotsman - United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire)



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