zomgbies

Search for a member

Offline (the 11/04/2014 at 1:16am)

zomgbies

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5086
  • Number of comments : 252
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About zomgbies : ~d(^_^)b~ Chillin at the speed of sound. Cranking dnb, trance, rock and metal.
I didn't intend on having a sideways pic. FML decided to go hipster on me

zomgbies's page activity

Visits<b>psychopolarbear</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 2:11pm<b>aliceaudrey1997</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 4:44am<b>EnJey0</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 1:34am<b>Queenie2014</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 5:26pm<b>turdoblast</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 10:39am<b>Fennex3</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 9:09pm<b>gunnerette</b> - the 12/30/2014 at 2:04am<b>Generic_Toaster</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 3:20pm<b>brittaaany_93</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 1:12pm<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 2:35am<b>50011680</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 1:17pm<b>swick25</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 2:43pm<b>Skylae</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 9:48pm<b>ebonyrose2828</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 6:01pm<b>jaaymurph103</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 6:42pm<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 02/15/2014 at 5:28pm<b>nyikkins</b> - the 01/31/2014 at 3:52pm<b>notachinesewoman</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 11:36pm

zomgbies's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of zomgbies's badges

zomgbies's favorite FMLs

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML

by never thought I'd say that / 08/22/2013 at 3:05pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Transportation

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

by insomniac x2 / 08/15/2013 at 3:56pm / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell asleep on the beach while tanning. I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from my stomach. Why was bread on my stomach? Because my little brother knows birds are my biggest fear. FML

by Nanana32 / 08/14/2013 at 4:28pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 3:47pm / United States / Work

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML

by NoMoreTrumpetBlowing / 08/14/2013 at 12:22pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 5:11am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

by ass slap / 08/11/2013 at 11:35am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 6:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized I'm getting my period pretty soon. How? I started crying and throwing plates because I thought we were out of sweet bread. FML

by FuckYouMotherNature / 08/07/2013 at 2:51am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

by pong / 08/06/2013 at 5:59pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Health

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard / 08/06/2013 at 5:55pm / United States / Love

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

by Tea_baggins / 08/06/2013 at 12:01am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

by NO NO NO / 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Intimacy

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2013 at 5:36pm / Sweden (Dalarnas Lan) / Animals