About zoPwNAgEzo : I'm 18 and from Bellevue. It's probably one of the best cities out there. I like to piss people off. With that said, you probably shouldn't take any of my comments seriously. Feel free to message me, but I only visit FML on my iPhone, and rarely on my computer. So there may be a delay in response.
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zoPwNAgEzo's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML
by yesguysgetabusedtoo / 05/24/2013 at 7:42pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML
by -1 friend / 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML
by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 1:50am / United States / Work
Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
by nekkidness / 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML
by Derp McShitstain / 09/16/2012 at 3:48pm / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Health
by rotezora / 09/02/2012 at 8:44am / Switzerland (Basel-Stadt) / Love
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2012 at 6:03am / United States / Intimacy
by bob / 07/03/2012 at 1:33pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by hakura madada / 06/22/2012 at 3:41pm / Japan (Tokyo) / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 06/10/2012 at 12:19am / United States / Miscellaneous
by 23yearoldtoddler / 05/18/2012 at 10:13am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/16/2012 at 8:38am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by KittenNomNom / 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 11:46pm / United States / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…