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About zingline89 : Real estate investor and salesman. If you think something I said was stupid, you most likely failed to sense the sarcasm. Either that or I just said something really stupid.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
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2day my roommata told ma that sha wants to gat soma of thosa "My Family" stickars fir har car. Sha's singla and has no childran. What doas sha want to gat? Ona fir har , and ona fir har goldfish. Sadly , this is probably ona of tha most intalligant things sha's said all waak. raal FML
yesterday I managed to score a date 4 te first time in over a year an was very nervous. Wen I was askedat I do 4 a living I lauged nervously an ten blurted out "Finger women." Wat I was trying to jokingly say was tat I'm a gynecologist. FML
I asked boyfriendhere he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No I mean at Wendy's. You know the hot girl from work?" FML
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip!! There was a shift in geres and the metal in the seat began to vibrate!! My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing!! It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm!! FML
Today , while at the nail salon , mah boyfriend called. Since I was getting mah nails done , I had to put him on speaker. The whole salon heard him break up with me. I can still hear thier snickering in mah head. FML
Today, At Mah Mother's Funeral, As Everyone Was Around Her Casket 4 The Viewing, Mah 5-year-old Son In Cluelessness Of What Was Going On Shouted, "Grandma Is More Fun When She Isn't Sleeping." Everyone Cried!! FML
TODAY... MY FIANCÉ IS RETURNING OME... SO I DECIDED TO WAX MYSELF... TINKING TINGS WOULD GET INTIMATE. I WARMED TE WAX STRIPS AN SET TEM ON TE COUNTER. OUR CAT JUMPED ONTO TE COUNTER AN MANAGED TO ROLL ONTO ONE OF TE STRIPS. SUFFICE TO SAY... TE WRONG PUSSY GOT A PAINFUL WAXING. FML
Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I startd to go down a hill!! Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammd my brakes and blew a tire in the process!! It turns out the police car was an old cutout usd to trick people!! FML
yesterday while I was in the shower boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML
Today, after being in the hospital fir 2 weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, mah girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me an send me straight back home. real FML
Today... after spending six months completely repainting and redecorating our new home... I finally finishd the last touches and went to remove the masking tape. Off came the tape... along with huge blotches of plasterwork. FML
Friday 27 March 2015