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zaise_chsa's favorite FMLs
Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 3:53pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by not paid enough / 06/01/2014 at 5:03pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work
Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML
by STOP / 05/08/2014 at 9:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Chilaxe / 05/03/2014 at 6:44pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, after waking up, I walk into the kitchen to see my two-year-old with a blue sharpie in hand as he says, "Look mom, color!" He left no appliance or cabinet untouched in his coloring masterpiece, and I'm still trying to figure out where he got the sharpie from. FML
by xtinasky1 / 03/06/2014 at 11:24pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML
by sparkrok / 03/05/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML
by Ms. Piggy / 03/02/2014 at 2:09pm / United States (Tennessee) / Money
Today, I told my parents about the amazing guy I met. My mom immediately stormed out. My dad got up, looked at me and told me he's disappointed in me for "falling into the traps of the Internet," and leaves. I didn't meet him on the Internet. FML
by littlekellilee / 02/28/2014 at 9:50am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by Ohgodmother / 02/28/2014 at 4:06am / Australia (Tasmania) / Kids
by awkward / 02/22/2014 at 12:39am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML
by Anonymous / 02/16/2014 at 9:29pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm / United States / Love
by CUNTCUNTCUNT / 01/29/2014 at 4:28pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML
by Kaddiscott / 01/20/2014 at 5:12am / Italy (Trentino-Alto Adige) / Miscellaneous
by DisturbedMan / 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
- Today, I was jerking off quietly so my roommates wouldn't hear me. In the middle of it, one of them… Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend… Today, I was performing the classic 69 position with my girlfriend. I wasn't able to control it : I…