About ysrhael : Hi, I'm 18, going to law school, love music, love reading. I'm 6'5" tall, message me, you know you want to ;)
ysrhael's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
ysrhael's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
by DrtySnchez / 08/18/2013 at 5:37am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML
by jgtrflynn / 06/24/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML
by fuck the man-dominated construction business / 06/19/2013 at 12:18pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/08/2013 at 6:34am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
by ._. / 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Intimacy
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
by i'm not psychic, mother fucker / 06/02/2013 at 4:48pm / Sweden (Uppsala Lan) / Intimacy
by Kay / 06/02/2013 at 3:00pm / India (Andhra Pradesh) / Intimacy
by H1dd3n / 06/01/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/01/2013 at 3:51am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML
by pool party / 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Abrams52 / 05/28/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm / United States (Utah) / Kids
Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2013 at 8:40pm / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Work
- Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, my 12-year-old daughter is a Nirvana fan, while my 20-year-old son is a Justin Bieber fan.…