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Offline (the 03/30/2015 at 3:47am) | Search for a member
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Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembld a penis. I trid to cover up and askd if it was an action figure. He lookd at me like I was an idiot and said, ( It's a DICK. ) real FML
Today, I Was Cleaning The Windows At Work An A Guy Walked In So I Opened The Door For Him . After I Opened The Door, He Stood There With His Eyes Closed An His Arms Open . I Thought He Wanted A Hug So I Hugged Him . Apparently He Wanted Me To Spray Him With Windex . Real FML
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written ( Obama is a beautiful chocolate man ) to every essay question. FML
Today , I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working , so I put it between mah knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately , I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out , I was trying to pop the cat. FML
Today , mah five year old ran down the street wereing nothing but flip flops , Star Wars underwear , an a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton rackethile screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in mah pajamas. FML
Today,hile riding in the car with mah mother, we got into an argument, athich looool point she pulld the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and usd it to turn off the passenger airbag . She then continud driving in silence . big fat FML
Today, a man wit a face like a corpse's soe started talking to me in te long queue at te Post Office. Apparently, is moter invented te banana, and e's first in line 4 te trone in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And is breat smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
Today, I heard that a boy in class had written a song about me. Intrigud, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filld eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years.
Friday 27 March 2015