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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
yoimtrollin's favorite FMLs
Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML
by JacksWag4 / 08/16/2013 at 6:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Money
Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML
by SparkOfJade / 08/13/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, my mother-in-law yelled from across the house for me to come quickly. She sounded frantic, so I rushed and asked what was wrong. She said, "Nothing." and that she just wanted to remind me that she hates my guts. She'll be living here with me and my wife for the next two months. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 5:30pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
by rachel / 08/10/2013 at 4:56pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML
by Oh-Shit! / 08/10/2013 at 11:23am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 10:54am / France / Love
by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 10:22am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML
by ImNotFat / 08/07/2013 at 2:04am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2013 at 11:19am / United States (Arkansas) / Kids
by Neanderthals walk among us / 08/04/2013 at 3:09pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Work
by YouSoSmelly / 08/02/2013 at 9:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by are these people even HUMAN? / 08/01/2013 at 11:18am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/01/2013 at 3:36am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML
by vmml97 / 08/01/2013 at 12:32am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous