About xzanex : Started reading FMLs in high school, continued reading them through college, and now I'm in medical school and I'm still reading them. FML never grows old.
xzanex's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
xzanex's favorite FMLs
by sorethumb / 12/15/2015 at 6:39pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health
by snortingspunk / 12/03/2015 at 7:52am / South Africa / Intimacy
by CaraMaria / 11/24/2015 at 4:02am / United States / Miscellaneous
by sydcaller618 / 11/23/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by ugh, why / 11/22/2015 at 12:12am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/18/2015 at 9:50am / Canada / Health
Today, I gave a group presentation. Because I didn't know the last names of my group members, I'd put fake ones in, intending to replace them later. I forgot to change them and I ended up giving a presentation alongside a very angry Greg Penishead and Josh Acne. FML
by friendless1004 / 11/12/2015 at 11:55am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/04/2015 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML
by caroline / 10/29/2015 at 4:02pm / Germany / Kids
Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML
by Embarrassed ass. / 10/23/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 11:05am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 9:31am / United States / Work
Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML
by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, while walking home after a night of partying, I saw a thin, bald person in a suit looking at me from across the street. I got flashbacks to the Slender Man, screamed like a little bitch and ran. Then I realized I'd just humiliated myself in front of some random guy waiting for a bus. FML
by shitbucketsfilledwithshit / 10/08/2015 at 12:04pm / United States (Texas) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.…