xzanex

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Offline (the 12/31/2015 at 10:33pm)

xzanex

11Fucked!

xzanex
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3708
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About xzanex : Started reading FMLs in high school, continued reading them through college, and now I'm in medical school and I'm still reading them. FML never grows old.

xzanex's page activity

Visits<b>sidpool912</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 5:40pm<b>gunnstreet</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 10:22pm<b>pureportedpear</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 7:58pm<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 4:01am<b>skye147</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 11:25am<b>Melodyrain</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 5:21am<b>jeansnpearls</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 11:58pm<b>Geary519</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 5:20pm<b>Taymoo1515</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 1:46pm<b>Kuibe</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 10:20am<b>ronnixoxo</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 4:51am<b>HeatherCorinne</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 5:57pm<b>TreeTreeMan</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 4:40pm<b>vikky538</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 11:08pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 5:10pm<b>Silverfeathery</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 10:39pm<b>yogbeer</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 9:45pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 2:20pm

Fucked!<b>gunnstreet</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 4:22am<b>TreeTreeMan</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 10:40pm<b>Skulllily</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 2:06am<b>Melodyrain</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 7:27am<b>Idekanymore123</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 2:16am<b>dansco</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 1:51am<b>blondbombshell13</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 5:01am<b>Mons</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 1:43pm<b>potionowl</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 6:54am<b>Pandacupcakelove</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 7:41pm

xzanex's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of xzanex's badges

xzanex's favorite FMLs

Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML

by sorethumb / 12/15/2015 at 6:39pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

by snortingspunk / 12/03/2015 at 7:52am / South Africa / Intimacy

Today, I was roused from my peaceful slumber by the sound of evil laughter coming from my closet. It was my old Furby, with dead batteries, that I could have sworn I got rid of several years ago. FML

Today, my six-year-old son told me how it was funny that there's "a food chicken and an animal chicken". That's going to be a fun one to explain to him. FML

by sydcaller618 / 11/23/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

by ugh, why / 11/22/2015 at 12:12am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2015 at 9:50am / Canada / Health

Today, I gave a group presentation. Because I didn't know the last names of my group members, I'd put fake ones in, intending to replace them later. I forgot to change them and I ended up giving a presentation alongside a very angry Greg Penishead and Josh Acne. FML

by friendless1004 / 11/12/2015 at 11:55am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2015 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML

by caroline / 10/29/2015 at 4:02pm / Germany / Kids

Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML

by Embarrassed ass. / 10/23/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 11:05am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 9:31am / United States / Work

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, while walking home after a night of partying, I saw a thin, bald person in a suit looking at me from across the street. I got flashbacks to the Slender Man, screamed like a little bitch and ran. Then I realized I'd just humiliated myself in front of some random guy waiting for a bus. FML

by shitbucketsfilledwithshit / 10/08/2015 at 12:04pm / United States (Texas) / Work