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xxsakuraxx's favorite FMLs
Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML
by anon / 02/03/2015 at 2:50am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML
by not a cancerous pimple / 01/30/2015 at 7:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by DrLight / 01/16/2015 at 8:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML
by Dear Lord Save Me / 01/03/2015 at 10:56pm / United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/01/2015 at 10:09am / United States / Kids
by BlondePsycho / 12/29/2014 at 11:14pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I slept on the plane ride home and had a scary nightmare. I started screaming in my dream, so loud that it shocked the old lady sitting next to me into screaming as well. The whole plane began laughing as we were both screaming. FML
by danielzcwu / 12/29/2014 at 2:11pm / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Transportation
Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML
by thanks a lot mom / 12/28/2014 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML
by If IQs could be negative... / 12/26/2014 at 2:28pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love
by monster in law. / 12/17/2014 at 2:35am / United States / Love
by justjoking / 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm / United States / Work
Today, I took out my old hairdryer and turned it on. I then gave my roommate a show as I ran out of the bathroom, naked and screaming, after a spider was blasted out of the hairdryer and directly at my face. FML
by lateralligator / 12/12/2014 at 11:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML
by MedStudent90 / 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
by duncan74 / 12/09/2014 at 10:23pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Animals