This member hasn't filled in their description.
xxsakuraxx's FML badges
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
xxsakuraxx's favorite FMLs
Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML
by Anonymous / 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2015 at 10:59am / United States / Love
by tobuscus9412 / 03/21/2015 at 9:04pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2015 at 12:23am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by parkoursam / 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML
by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML
by actually just constipated.. and stupid / 03/04/2015 at 10:03am / Tunisia / Health
Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by FreshDonuts / 02/28/2015 at 12:03am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML
by jynxisadouchebag / 02/26/2015 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Animals
by frediqqq / 02/25/2015 at 11:21pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by failuretolaunch2 / 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/22/2015 at 11:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Health