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xxsakuraxx's favorite FMLs
Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML
Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML
by StupidPets / 08/23/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, at work I did inventory with my boss. He did the top shelves and I did the bottom ones. By the end, my knees were dirty and sore. I went home and my roommate asked me how my day went. I absent-mindedly said, "My boss had me on my knees all day." He hasn't stopped laughing. FML
by inappropes / 08/18/2016 at 5:41pm / United States / Work
by polemania / 07/11/2016 at 1:23am / United States / Work
by DumbassRoaster / 07/10/2016 at 3:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
by LadyGoombah / 07/06/2016 at 9:54pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by Lua / 06/28/2016 at 1:09pm / France (Picardie) / Animals
Today, after the last few months of my sister living with me while she finds her feet, I asked if she could help me out by doing the washing up. Half an hour later, I walked into knee high dish soap foam in the kitchen. My sister was right in the middle, trying to sculpt dicks. She's 20. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2016 at 8:28pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML
by Daddy / 06/02/2016 at 4:04am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Spider fail / 05/31/2016 at 3:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was so tired, I passed out at work in the middle of a call. All because my neighbor's car alarm kept going off every 3 minutes all through the morning. It was still going when I left for work. If you see a news story in a few days about a whole neighborhood beating a guy to death, that's probably us. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2016 at 9:00am / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, my husband and I both got smart watches. We were running around, acting like we were in a James Bond movie, having fun. Until our neighbors called the cops on us for hiding in their bushes. FML
by nykkymcallister / 05/18/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek
by Chin... uh.... / 05/10/2016 at 6:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML
by dempasi / 05/06/2016 at 2:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous