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xxkellifitzxx
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  • Number of visits : 132
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xxkellifitzxx's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned a valuable lesson: Make sure you learn to swim at a very young age, or else you might end up a in a swimming class with a bunch 3 and 4 year-olds, taught by your crush. FML

#19350578
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23290) - you deserved it (5637)

On 03/26/2012 at 10:51am - misc - by stupdude3 (man) - United States

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

#19144211
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23537) - you deserved it (5662)

On 02/23/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by ZeroApostle4Ever - United States

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

#18691343
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23018) - you deserved it (12257)

On 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML

#18259551
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11103) - you deserved it (21375)

On 11/15/2011 at 10:17pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I went to school without makeup. No one recognized me. FML

#17781243
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14413) - you deserved it (37953)

On 09/19/2011 at 4:16pm - misc - by Nicole - United States (California)

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

#17709255
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14295) - you deserved it (29840)

On 09/10/2011 at 3:11am - misc - by FullOfNick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

#17489385
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20770) - you deserved it (7739)

On 08/16/2011 at 11:00am - misc - by bursteardrums (woman) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML

#15852392
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27793) - you deserved it (12489)

On 04/19/2011 at 10:29pm - work - by Stupid (woman) - United States

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

#15184059
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35988) - you deserved it (22606)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

#14647834
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8890) - you deserved it (30530)

On 01/20/2011 at 5:55am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

#13293107
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38919) - you deserved it (9272)

On 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm - kids - by blah blah daddy - United States (California)

Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML

#12978436
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6678) - you deserved it (28492)

On 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was making schnitzel at our kitchen so I had to get rid of all the oil. So I decided it would be best to put the hot pan on our porch so the oil would cool down and then I could get rid of it. Unfortunately the ground is sealed with tar, so the tar melted and now the pan is stuck to the ground. FML

#8583652
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6619) - you deserved it (23599)

On 02/23/2010 at 7:54am - health - by peterpan (man) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

#8045354
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40483) - you deserved it (2752)

On 02/09/2010 at 7:22am - health - by SickSmick (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

#6734413
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5593) - you deserved it (17297)

On 12/13/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)



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