About xlord : I travelled the world and spent millions of dollars to discover how to make the best rated FML comments. The secret is to create 173 accounts.
xlord's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
xlord's favorite FMLs
Today, I picked up my cat and it went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML
by Anizzaf / 01/27/2009 at 12:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML
by theguy24 / 01/27/2009 at 7:47am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
Today, at work I got a message from some dude trying to flirt with me. While I was cracking up and making fun of him with my friends, I get a message from him saying look directly behind you, and there he was staring at me. FML
by godhatesme / 01/26/2009 at 6:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML
by Sally / 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML
by cockblockingbitch / 01/25/2009 at 12:54am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by TheEnglishOne / 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML
by AgathedeBlouse / 11/18/2008 at 1:42am / Animals
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…
- Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then… Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you… Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When…